she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
