i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Come share oat with me in your robe
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
