I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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