she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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