So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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