this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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