I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
