after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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