Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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