apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
