after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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