I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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