First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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