well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
