He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
