You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
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