drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
