i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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