Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize