Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
