so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
