Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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