i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize