I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
