the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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