the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
