Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
