You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
