just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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