oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
