I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
