we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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