I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
should my penis look like a turkey
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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