so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
