Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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