Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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