You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
