you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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