I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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