omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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