We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
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i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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