New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
