My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
