Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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