wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
