you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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