matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
