apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
