he thought i was a dude.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
