My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
