i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
