was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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