Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize