my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
