So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
