I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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