We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
