He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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