You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
