yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm going to jail i love you
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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