watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
