I heard we made out
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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