sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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