she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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