No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
