Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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